Edit note: I just wanted to let you all know of something that has happened with this situation. After the e-mail I received and responded to, I decided I wanted to meet with this person and apologize in person. We e-mailed back and forth and decided to meet last night. While on vacation I prayed about this situation and what God would have me do and say. Well needless to say I was a little nervous. I have never been good in situations like this. I am an avoider, but that is not what God wants any of us to be, so a new layer is torn away. It was a good meeting. We were both honest with each other. She asked me afterward what I expected. I told her nothing I just wanted to apologize, and have her know my heart and I wanted to know hers. I told her I never want to hinder God's work, and if I did I truly am sorry for that. He is who I love! He is who I serve! I realized through this meeting and a little before that I am slowly getting rid of my people pleasing personality and looking only to the One who I truly want to please! Again thanks for your prayers and for letting me sound off here!
I had a situation happen today that I feel I just have to write about as part of God and I processing it. I will not go into great detail about the situation, but will explain a little of the it with my many thoughts.
A while ago I had someone approach me about serving in Children's Ministries. This person was very new to the church and the opportunity they spoke to me about is a leadership role. I had concerns for varied reasons, but said that I will contact her to hear more of her testimony. We had a little contact, but I never sat up the meeting. I still had doubts, and without going into further detail that kept me from pursuing any further conversation quickly. I thought of her often, but never called or e-mailed. I was at one of these walls I get to and do nothing with.
So today I get an e-mail from her stating how disappointed she was with how I handled things. She has noticed my requests for help in Children's Ministries, but it this is how I handle things, she sees why that is. She no longer wants to help there. She did say that it has not made her want to leave the church, which I am glad for. I would hate that my inability to handle the situation properly would bring her to that end. I am thankful she is still worshiping with us.
Here is one of the things she said "It was in the bulletin for at least 4 weeks. During this 4 week, I felt a tug on my heart to volunteer for this position. I prayed about it continually for those 4 week, and then I finally said OK God I think I hear what you are asking."
So I am left with the question: Even though things didn't seem like they fit to me because she was so new to the church, because I didn't know her faith walk, because I (and this is a big one) didn't trust the situation, did I hinder the work of God? I don't know! I may never know, but God and I will be dealing with this and I will be confessing alot to Him and asking for forgiveness. I have already asked for her forgiveness. I don't know if it will be accepted or change anything. She may think it's just words too. I feel bad that I allowed this to happen and there's nothing I can do about it now, other then pray, and seek God's wisdom, not my own.
These things I do know:
- I did not do this maliciously.
- I truly want God's person in this spot
- I don't want to hinder God's work at Lighthouse or anywhere else for that matter
- I truly am sorry that it got to this point