Monday, October 27, 2008

A Deep Hurt!

Where to begin?! Hummm....... I have always had a problem with the feeling that I am not likable! Now I know that that is a lie from Satan, but I have let situations in my past help further define that belief in me! Until yesterday that is..... My husband and I were talking about a situation that a guy he works with is going through. I identified that the very same thing had happen to me years ago. When I said this my husband did something very innocent (for he knew not the hurt and self doubt it had inflicted on me). It sent me back to one of those defining moments and put me in a tailspin! He could not even begin to understand the responsibility I felt for how others treated me and those who chose to be close to me. In the recent past we have had situations where I have been faced with (or assumed I was faced with) a similar situation, and I would close down and feel this deep hurt (by others) and a since of responsibility for my family being excluded because of me! HEAVY STUFF HUH?!!!!!

Yep, that's me! So yesterday and today I feel God saying "Kim, are you done with this? Will you let me finally take this burden from you? You are not validated by others, you are validated by me! Do you trust me enough?

I AM HERE TO SAY "YES LORD, YES LORD, YES YES LORD! I am tired of these feelings! They are not of God! They are a lie that I have allowed satan to continue to keep me down with most of my life! God wants freedom for me! After all isn't that why he sent His son!

Isaiah 61:1-3
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.
Jesus proclaims this about himself in Luke 4:17-19
Galatians 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
So faithful blog readers! I commit this day to continue to trust God! I have a wonderful husband who supports me, and desires for me to be free! I praise God for Steve!!! Thank you Jesus!! I have wonderful friends that I am hoping will walk beside me, asking how are you doing in this and holding me accountable to my promise today!
Will it be easy, probably not, but if God decides to bring immediate and complete healing I'm all for that!!! He can you know! Will it be without pain, boy I sure hope so, but I doubt it! But I need to keep trusting! He is faithful and His promises are forever!!!
If you are having the same feelings and would like to walk together with me, feel free to e-mail me at skjbvh4 - at - allcom - dot - net!
I just want to leave you with a couple of things that have spoken to me today! The first is from the Believing God Bible study I did a few years ago. I made the ladies who came a bookmark that had the covenant on it. Here it is:
I Covenant to Believe....
God is who He says He is....
God can do what He says He can do....
I am who God says I am....
I can do all things through Christ....
God's word is alive and active in Me....
The song History by Matthew West was God saying "put in behind you now, walk forward in FREEDOM!"

History - Matthew West


Mari said...

I like your new look! You know - I know a lot of people struggle with feeling likable - including me at times. I would have never thought that of you. You always appear confident and do well with taking charge. And of course there is the fact that you ARE likable! Those thoughts do come from Satan and I'm glad you realize it. God did a great job when He made you and I'm so glad to know you!

Cheryl said...

Oh Kim! I have struggles with the same thing. You know 2 Timothy 1:7 says that "GOD has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." We can overcome this. You are just two darn sweet to be thinking those thoughts! Love the new look! Please pray for Lisa today as her youngest son had surgery on his ear. He made it fine but she needs us. Thanks and have a good evening!

cheri said...

What a honest post. You are not alone- I struggle with this too at times.
It is most definitely a lie from Satan. I know you didn't post this to have people give you warm fuzzies- BUT I want you to know without a doubt that you are 100% completely lovable. You are one of the sweetest people I know and I totally respect the way you live your faith every day.

Diane said...

You, my dear, are one of the greatest gifts I've ever received from God! You are a true friend and I know that I can always count on you to be there if I need a shoulder... I am always here for you too - you know that! If you were not so "likeable" I would not be able to say this about you! I love you and I praise our Father for bringing us together in this life! I already am on that walk with you - I'm right beside you - you only need to turn your head and extend your hand! You are such an incredible gift to those who know you - I mean REALLY know you!! You need to speak out loud - LOUDLY - and tell satan to shove off because Jesus is in control of your life!

You are exactly who God needs you to be every day of your life!

Peggy said...

Blessings Kim...You are so like able...who would have thought that insecurity lay lurking in the heart. You already know the Truth. You recognize it as a lie & a tool so what's holding you back...nothing! Someone gave you my verse 2 Timothy 1:7 and you have the other head knowledge so let's make that YES, YES, YES to the Lord a reality, eh? Let's drive that Truth right to your heart.
I missed what innocent thing your hubby did, but no matter...I love Your new Covenant!

You do not need to keep up with The Love can go back & read until you get the book. Chelle is quoted directly though obviously not all of it. For the first 6-7 days I had it from The Love Dare site. I also had excerpts from Google Books with amazon.
It sounds like you & Steve would both benefit! Maybe your church could do a Bible Study for couples. May God bless you! I love Matthew West and History! Thanks!